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Deepavali Break

I hate this feeling on a Sunday night, after a long ,well-deserved break, because I really dont want to go back to reality.

Anyways, my life has been quite repetitive recently, and it just feels like I got nothing much to blog about, besides still trying to get through degree life, work, college, occasional mini outings with my family and yy, everything else pretty much feels stagnant.

Sometimes, its just because I dont have inspiration to write. Not like how i used to at least.

Well,Im just glad to have this one week break, much needed i must say, and the best part, Wednesday and Saturday were public holidays, which means no need for me too work on those days. It almost never happens this way.

I cleared my room, all my accessories, clothes, paperwork, etc and it made me feel great. Plus, my sister was also at home, which feels nostalgic because for the past 4 years+ We were rarely at home for holidays at the same time due to college.

I just had the time of my life, having some alone time, went out with yy, organizing most of my things, and just relaxing, I slept alot. I watched Scandal, as recommended by Melissa, and though the storyline is great and the drama is appealing, I couldnt continue watching it because I don’t ship the ”main couple” because its just so wrong on so many levels, and I find it really repulsive. I mean, i dont find it ”sweet” because EXCUSE ME, Sir you are married with 3 children, so please keep your pants zipped. And it was getting in the way of the main plot. Therefore i did not continue. I stopped at Season 2 lol.

Its a good show, I love so many characters, just not the relationship of those.

Okay before all the fans and shippers go berserk on me, let me just reiterate that I dont like it, and im not gonna continue watching it anymore, and this will be the last time im discussing it.

Moving on, guess I should stop here and go to bed, its 1240am now, and my body clock is messed up because of the unhealthy pattern i had this week.

sigh, so much to do after today, gotta catch up on my notes, start studying and MPU projects, and look! its November already. Where did all the time go anyway.Its halloween next week by the way. Movie night with siblings! 🙂

Lots of challenges ahead, and i just cant wait for this year to be over. Cause of some work reasons. I hope to hear a good answer and not what i imagine soon, Im relying on your promise. 😦 I hope you come back.

Up to fate.*crossing my fingers*

-kw-

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Things happen

Its almost a month since I’ve last updated ey? Bet you think you’ve seen the last of me haha but im back for awhile here.

Anyways, how’s life? Not so good lately. I’ve faced some challenges that ive never thought i would actually happen in my life. Not anything life threatening ( thank goodness for that) but just life changing to me.

A small thing leads to another and slowly its a whole circle of mess.

Things are more calm now though, and it was quite tough, and i finally understand now how something so important to you can influence your life. We dont feel it’s importance on every other day because we take it for granted, but when something snaps and it falls apart, it just hits ground low, and it affects you in every way possible to the point where i just couldn’t concentrate at anything and just push everything to the side.

Which can be impression-damaging, especially when you’re dealing with societies and other responsibilities.

Also a HUGE TIP : Do NOT believe decisions made rashly especially after a heated argument.

Learnt it the hard way. But since there’s a first time for everything, i guess i have to take it as a learning process.

There are days where i just feel like i’m nothing and so numb that i just.. cant get myself to do anything at all. I hated those feelings i felt especially these few days, and its just such a pain in the neck. Absolute resentment.

Everything isnt 100% solved yet, but i just have to stay positive, however, thank goodness it’s slowly subsiding. It has to, i dont want to feel like this anymore. And I also realized how pessimistic i actually am.

I want the warmth i feel again, the carefree days and just focusing on one thing, look forward to another and have everything planned out, however, in the midst of my freedom and own selfish happiness, i neglected the happiness of someone who actually needed it the most. its so unfair and im so sorry for everything , everything that lead to what happened that day.

Also to my senpais, and everyone else, i apologize for the crazy arrangements leading to this week’s activity. Its just.. some miscommunication going on and i should’ve settled things in a better manner.

Another tip : CALM DOWN BEFORE MAKING ANY FURTHER DECISIONS

Gosh, i just hope everything goes back to normal soon, please, just hope everything turns out right.

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Moving on

Moving on, i finally get to fully concentrate on degree and everything else that makes me happy.

right now, i feel that i need to change some perspectives in my life. Though i really wish i could have a getaway all to myself or maybe with 1 or 2 buddies to soul search and look for the meaning in life or some sort like that, perhaps to even just calm my nerves and think about what i really want to achieve in life, its just impossible for me to do so at this moment.

Well, all i can do is make use of what has been given to me.

Its mid-week and next week onwards, most colleges will start again, including for yy and my sister, and i also realize that most of my friends have already started college these 2 weeks again as well. Everyone’s gonna be busy bees.

Just as i wanted to blog about how August is already here, August is already ending.Can you believe how fast time flies?

And in no time, i’ll be done with 1st year degree, and the 2nd and the 3rd then CLP, and its work work work. It can be said its a good thing that time passes fast because sometimes you just want it to be done and over with.The most important thing is as long as we cherish the moments and experiences in between, any journey regardless of length or period will be worth while.

Thanks to some friends, i’ve been learning alot about myself and what i really want to achieve in my life. Sometimes we can come up with rash decisions, which can be really burdensome to the people around you, and the desire for it is so tenacious, just because you dont want to be left behind among your peers. 

After a long consideration and lots of thinking, i realized, i dont actually want that, all i wanted was just to ”fit in” whereas im already perfectly doing so. And there are no boundaries to other options that may be much more suited to you WITHOUT the burden of the people around you, especially your parents.

Therefore, my advice is that you sit down or even before you sleep, just give yourself a pat on your back and think, Yes i can be whoever i choose to be, without needing to have what others do. Just go with the flow and never force things upon commence.

try your best in everything.

No harm wishing for it though, if you get it in the end. good for you, if you dont, dont beat yourself up for it, there WILL be other options.

Back to the update, well, last week has been a tiring week for me, time passes much faster when classes start, maybe its because of the journey to college and back. I dont know. But its does feel faster.

For now, Im motivated to do more things, concentrate on my studies, read more novels, draw, learn new words,my work, editing, Rotaract activties, Hence i might have nothing much to blog about since it may seem repetitive.

Yes i am thankful for everything i have now..

Sometimes i wish there’s an automatic system in my brain that checklists everything i have to do and have not yet done and also alerts me about deadlines.

Too bad, for now i have to use my trusty old notebook!

Good luck in degree and college to all my peers.

-kw- 

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Alevels results

Officially done with Alevels because i got my results yesterday, To be honest im not very happy with the end result.

Sigh, i was expecting 1A1B1D ( D for accounting that i threw away). But in fact i got BBD instead. Law was fine, Accounting was spot on but Business.. MY BUSINESS. I thought i could get through, since i got a solid A for AS.

But sigh, what’s done is done,im still regretting not taking another subject instead of Accounting, i know i couldve done much better if i were to take say, English Literature or even Economics.

Not in this lifetime i supposed.

Its hard to get over it but now im finally going to face it, and let it go. I hate how every important exams i would always always be one A short of my goal. DAMNNN

It sucks, i feel like God is testing me. And i notice i will never get something without working my ass off.

Is this what you’re trying to teach me? dear enlightened one? if so, i will accept my fate.

i know some people might say that im being irrational for i meet the requirement easily to do my degree but this is just my personal goal. for myself.

No point looking backwards now eh? gotta move forward, so now i can officially say that im doing my LLB now. 

gonna work hard for this one, i will definitely achieve what i aim for this time, NO MORE ONE A SHORT.

Also, Congratulations to all my friends, especially those to did well 🙂 

-kw-

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The world

Its upsetting, seeing all these unfortunate events happening around the world. I believe it affects almost everyone indirectly.

I just wish everything will be back to normal, and no more fighting, no more wars, no more religions hating each other, no more human error-ed disasters, no more pollution, no more corruption.

I still believe world peace is attainable and achievable, and i still believe in humanity. Why cant humans just set aside differences and just see each other as a person.?

 

-kw-

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Is it worth it

I had to rant about this ( i had a semi-rant on my dayre already haha) , a friend of mine asked me that day “do you think what you’re doing is worth it?”

it had me thinking a bit.

Sometimes i do get upset when people give me weird expressions and they ask me why cant i just NOT do it. Sigh, and they’ll tell me how they just spend their holidays enjoying life and as if im torturing myself willingly

well, i dont think these people will ever understand and i dont even bother explaining to them, but i know that what im doing, it will benefit me in the future, and one day, i’ll be glad and grateful i chose to do it. Anyway, right now in my shoes, i dont think i have the capacity to reject the offers, i can, but i dont want to because i need it to help out financially, i sure as hell wont wanna burden my parents, and seeing them work so hard for the past few years, just makes me want to strive further for ever.

i work for extra allowance, and people tell me wont  that mean you have alot to use now? NO. i still spend the same way i used to, and yes i save up for my future.

this helps them and it helps me and it helps the children and teenagers i teach, so its a win-win situation to me.

So why not?

Its weird because while doing this job, i feel i like i somehow get to still hold on to school life and still know what’s going on in the highschool syllabuses. It’s enriching to me, and i just feel like teaching the kids, seeing them improve can be one of the most satisfying feelings ever.

yes it can be tiring and frustrating at times, and when my student(s) dont put their hearts in doing their work it does upset me but in the end, it will be worth it, and to answer your question my dear friend,

Yes, it is worth it to me. 🙂

-kw-

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Days

The days when i work has easily taken over as the days i dislike the most in a week.

For now i dislike Saturdays and Mondays because those days are when i have lots of stuff to do. Work included.

Ever since a year or 2 ago, ive started disliking Saturdays alot because i had to do my job and i practically cannot do anything on saturdays in terms of Rotaract activities, trainings, anything interesting that would USUALLY fall on saturdays, i wouldnt be able to make it.Sadly.

But this is a job, and i need to be responsible. I feel bad having to reject so many things that fall on saturday mornings, especially rotaract activities as sometimes they really require my presence, but i just HAD to reject them, all of them.

However, i dont think i can avoid this for long, as i heard that there will be classes here and there soon later in degree that would fall on saturdays 😦 by then i would have to reschedule everything, and it will be a big fat mess..

It worries me sometimes, but i just hope and pray that those classes would be on saturday afternoons or nights even i dont mind, just please dont clash with my work :(( and also hope it would just be temporary…

I hate worrying about the future, but i always do.Who doesnt, right?

Mondays are okay, except for the fact that i have full day classes and i would have to rush home for a class. That makes me a bit.. frustrated. other than that, its fine.

In a nutshell, i do not hate my job, i just hate the timing, i wish i could have more time to do more activities that fall on saturday mornings.

sighh, i really hope i can see how am i coping in my future.

Hope there isnt much of a mess.

 

-kw-