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A letter to my Grandpa

Dear Gong Gong,

I’m officially 19 now! time flies doesn’t it? I really miss you although you’ve been gone for so many years.

Sometimes I do think and imagine, what it’s like if you were still around.

They say that you loved me a lot, and I was really close to you, I was at the time your favorite and you loved to carry me a lot. I was only 5 years old, but i vaguely remember some memories, like how you used to always give me sweets despite my mother’s constant nagging about it. Also how you’ll try to ‘save’ me from punishments from her too.

I didn’t understood when they told me you’re gone. I asked my aunt, ” why are you crying?” but she just hugged me and continued to cry even harder. I didn’t know the meaning of death, nor did I know you were suffering. If only I did, I would’ve tried to make you happier, even just cheer you up a little to make the pain and suffering a little easier.

I remember daddy carrying me to see you and he asked me to call you once again. I dont even remember when was the last time I saw you. I was too young to remember.

As I grew older, naturally i grew to get used to everything. To be honest I didn’t really fell anything about it, until recently.

This year, I finally visited your grave after so many years. I hope you were happy to see how much I grew. I’m a big girl now, as tall as mommy already, and in college. In a few more years, i’ll be working and hopefully I get to start my own family.

How would things be if you were here? Everyone would be happier right? The house would be more lively.Would I have made the mistakes I’ve made? would you have guided me through all the silly things I did? Maybe daddy and mommy wouldn’t have to worry so much, maybe Po Po would be happier. I could turn out to be more spoiled, I don’t know, but I hope you’ll still be proud of me.

Maybe you would’ve liked the food I made, or even the cupcakes and pastries, maybe you could’ve brought us out for supper, or maybe you could even bring me to school for my volleyball training when Daddy’s busy. I imagine all these, but in reality, it’s just not the same. It’s interesting to imagine.

Nonetheless, I knew you are a great grandpa and the cool kind too.

If only you could meet yy, would you be overprotective of me? I wished I could’ve seen your reaction when you found out.

Well, it’s been 14 years now, life still creeps at it’s own pace.

I wonder if you’re watching over me all the time. I know daddy misses you everyday, as he still mentions about it sometimes, and I can see the look in his eyes.

But don’t worry about us, Gong Gong, We’re fine and happy. Small challenges wont bring us down. 🙂

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Deepavali Break

I hate this feeling on a Sunday night, after a long ,well-deserved break, because I really dont want to go back to reality.

Anyways, my life has been quite repetitive recently, and it just feels like I got nothing much to blog about, besides still trying to get through degree life, work, college, occasional mini outings with my family and yy, everything else pretty much feels stagnant.

Sometimes, its just because I dont have inspiration to write. Not like how i used to at least.

Well,Im just glad to have this one week break, much needed i must say, and the best part, Wednesday and Saturday were public holidays, which means no need for me too work on those days. It almost never happens this way.

I cleared my room, all my accessories, clothes, paperwork, etc and it made me feel great. Plus, my sister was also at home, which feels nostalgic because for the past 4 years+ We were rarely at home for holidays at the same time due to college.

I just had the time of my life, having some alone time, went out with yy, organizing most of my things, and just relaxing, I slept alot. I watched Scandal, as recommended by Melissa, and though the storyline is great and the drama is appealing, I couldnt continue watching it because I don’t ship the ”main couple” because its just so wrong on so many levels, and I find it really repulsive. I mean, i dont find it ”sweet” because EXCUSE ME, Sir you are married with 3 children, so please keep your pants zipped. And it was getting in the way of the main plot. Therefore i did not continue. I stopped at Season 2 lol.

Its a good show, I love so many characters, just not the relationship of those.

Okay before all the fans and shippers go berserk on me, let me just reiterate that I dont like it, and im not gonna continue watching it anymore, and this will be the last time im discussing it.

Moving on, guess I should stop here and go to bed, its 1240am now, and my body clock is messed up because of the unhealthy pattern i had this week.

sigh, so much to do after today, gotta catch up on my notes, start studying and MPU projects, and look! its November already. Where did all the time go anyway.Its halloween next week by the way. Movie night with siblings! 🙂

Lots of challenges ahead, and i just cant wait for this year to be over. Cause of some work reasons. I hope to hear a good answer and not what i imagine soon, Im relying on your promise. 😦 I hope you come back.

Up to fate.*crossing my fingers*

-kw-

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Rough Times

Turbulence, turbulence everywhere at the moment.

One way or another, it was bad, everything around seems to be falling apart and it really tested my endurance and patience.

It kept happening , issue after issue, there would be obstacles, big or small.

For some reason, it was just so tense, and i just feel so damn stressed, almost to my breaking point. Everything just wouldn’t go right.

It annoyed it to a certain extend, and i should really work on stress management.

This had been the most challenging time in my life. It wasn’t like THE most tensed up, craziest, thing that happened, but it was just so many issues all happening at one time, and the magnitude became massive.

It really hurts, it does. And this has never happened before, i couldnt even get myself to express it much because i worry too damn much about it.

But now, even though it is not all solved yet, im just so thankful that things are getting better now. I feel like it’s a test or something, you know those annoying things that life throws at you in the face and asks you to solve it. yeah.

But through the process, i’ve learnt alot. And that’s all that matters i guess.

Hoping for better days ahead. I. Can. Do. This.

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Things happen

Its almost a month since I’ve last updated ey? Bet you think you’ve seen the last of me haha but im back for awhile here.

Anyways, how’s life? Not so good lately. I’ve faced some challenges that ive never thought i would actually happen in my life. Not anything life threatening ( thank goodness for that) but just life changing to me.

A small thing leads to another and slowly its a whole circle of mess.

Things are more calm now though, and it was quite tough, and i finally understand now how something so important to you can influence your life. We dont feel it’s importance on every other day because we take it for granted, but when something snaps and it falls apart, it just hits ground low, and it affects you in every way possible to the point where i just couldn’t concentrate at anything and just push everything to the side.

Which can be impression-damaging, especially when you’re dealing with societies and other responsibilities.

Also a HUGE TIP : Do NOT believe decisions made rashly especially after a heated argument.

Learnt it the hard way. But since there’s a first time for everything, i guess i have to take it as a learning process.

There are days where i just feel like i’m nothing and so numb that i just.. cant get myself to do anything at all. I hated those feelings i felt especially these few days, and its just such a pain in the neck. Absolute resentment.

Everything isnt 100% solved yet, but i just have to stay positive, however, thank goodness it’s slowly subsiding. It has to, i dont want to feel like this anymore. And I also realized how pessimistic i actually am.

I want the warmth i feel again, the carefree days and just focusing on one thing, look forward to another and have everything planned out, however, in the midst of my freedom and own selfish happiness, i neglected the happiness of someone who actually needed it the most. its so unfair and im so sorry for everything , everything that lead to what happened that day.

Also to my senpais, and everyone else, i apologize for the crazy arrangements leading to this week’s activity. Its just.. some miscommunication going on and i should’ve settled things in a better manner.

Another tip : CALM DOWN BEFORE MAKING ANY FURTHER DECISIONS

Gosh, i just hope everything goes back to normal soon, please, just hope everything turns out right.