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A letter to my Grandpa

Dear Gong Gong,

I’m officially 19 now! time flies doesn’t it? I really miss you although you’ve been gone for so many years.

Sometimes I do think and imagine, what it’s like if you were still around.

They say that you loved me a lot, and I was really close to you, I was at the time your favorite and you loved to carry me a lot. I was only 5 years old, but i vaguely remember some memories, like how you used to always give me sweets despite my mother’s constant nagging about it. Also how you’ll try to ‘save’ me from punishments from her too.

I didn’t understood when they told me you’re gone. I asked my aunt, ” why are you crying?” but she just hugged me and continued to cry even harder. I didn’t know the meaning of death, nor did I know you were suffering. If only I did, I would’ve tried to make you happier, even just cheer you up a little to make the pain and suffering a little easier.

I remember daddy carrying me to see you and he asked me to call you once again. I dont even remember when was the last time I saw you. I was too young to remember.

As I grew older, naturally i grew to get used to everything. To be honest I didn’t really fell anything about it, until recently.

This year, I finally visited your grave after so many years. I hope you were happy to see how much I grew. I’m a big girl now, as tall as mommy already, and in college. In a few more years, i’ll be working and hopefully I get to start my own family.

How would things be if you were here? Everyone would be happier right? The house would be more lively.Would I have made the mistakes I’ve made? would you have guided me through all the silly things I did? Maybe daddy and mommy wouldn’t have to worry so much, maybe Po Po would be happier. I could turn out to be more spoiled, I don’t know, but I hope you’ll still be proud of me.

Maybe you would’ve liked the food I made, or even the cupcakes and pastries, maybe you could’ve brought us out for supper, or maybe you could even bring me to school for my volleyball training when Daddy’s busy. I imagine all these, but in reality, it’s just not the same. It’s interesting to imagine.

Nonetheless, I knew you are a great grandpa and the cool kind too.

If only you could meet yy, would you be overprotective of me? I wished I could’ve seen your reaction when you found out.

Well, it’s been 14 years now, life still creeps at it’s own pace.

I wonder if you’re watching over me all the time. I know daddy misses you everyday, as he still mentions about it sometimes, and I can see the look in his eyes.

But don’t worry about us, Gong Gong, We’re fine and happy. Small challenges wont bring us down. 🙂

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Rough Times

Turbulence, turbulence everywhere at the moment.

One way or another, it was bad, everything around seems to be falling apart and it really tested my endurance and patience.

It kept happening , issue after issue, there would be obstacles, big or small.

For some reason, it was just so tense, and i just feel so damn stressed, almost to my breaking point. Everything just wouldn’t go right.

It annoyed it to a certain extend, and i should really work on stress management.

This had been the most challenging time in my life. It wasn’t like THE most tensed up, craziest, thing that happened, but it was just so many issues all happening at one time, and the magnitude became massive.

It really hurts, it does. And this has never happened before, i couldnt even get myself to express it much because i worry too damn much about it.

But now, even though it is not all solved yet, im just so thankful that things are getting better now. I feel like it’s a test or something, you know those annoying things that life throws at you in the face and asks you to solve it. yeah.

But through the process, i’ve learnt alot. And that’s all that matters i guess.

Hoping for better days ahead. I. Can. Do. This.

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Things happen

Its almost a month since I’ve last updated ey? Bet you think you’ve seen the last of me haha but im back for awhile here.

Anyways, how’s life? Not so good lately. I’ve faced some challenges that ive never thought i would actually happen in my life. Not anything life threatening ( thank goodness for that) but just life changing to me.

A small thing leads to another and slowly its a whole circle of mess.

Things are more calm now though, and it was quite tough, and i finally understand now how something so important to you can influence your life. We dont feel it’s importance on every other day because we take it for granted, but when something snaps and it falls apart, it just hits ground low, and it affects you in every way possible to the point where i just couldn’t concentrate at anything and just push everything to the side.

Which can be impression-damaging, especially when you’re dealing with societies and other responsibilities.

Also a HUGE TIP : Do NOT believe decisions made rashly especially after a heated argument.

Learnt it the hard way. But since there’s a first time for everything, i guess i have to take it as a learning process.

There are days where i just feel like i’m nothing and so numb that i just.. cant get myself to do anything at all. I hated those feelings i felt especially these few days, and its just such a pain in the neck. Absolute resentment.

Everything isnt 100% solved yet, but i just have to stay positive, however, thank goodness it’s slowly subsiding. It has to, i dont want to feel like this anymore. And I also realized how pessimistic i actually am.

I want the warmth i feel again, the carefree days and just focusing on one thing, look forward to another and have everything planned out, however, in the midst of my freedom and own selfish happiness, i neglected the happiness of someone who actually needed it the most. its so unfair and im so sorry for everything , everything that lead to what happened that day.

Also to my senpais, and everyone else, i apologize for the crazy arrangements leading to this week’s activity. Its just.. some miscommunication going on and i should’ve settled things in a better manner.

Another tip : CALM DOWN BEFORE MAKING ANY FURTHER DECISIONS

Gosh, i just hope everything goes back to normal soon, please, just hope everything turns out right.

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Sg trip 2014

 26/7/14 – 29/7/14

so im supposed to talk about my Singapore trip!

I believe this is probably like the 5th or 6th time i’ve visited Sg, i go there almost every year ( i think its every year consecutively for the past years ) well because its kind of a routine for my family. 

We usually go with other relatives.

This year the mood was casual, we’ve been to most of the tourist attractions before especially USS, the Merlion, Chinatown, Sentosa Island etc  So now we just focus on taking a break from our own country and just go to places we feel like going to.

Didnt do much on the first day.

We went to Orchard side the next day, kinokuniya, takashimaya, chinatown those so called ” hot spots” i guess

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found these cute mini plushies in KinoCYMERA_20140727_113038CYMERA_20140727_145222

Behold, chinatown.

Oh we also went to Marina Bay later in the evening 😀

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the view in the afternoon

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The view at night

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This was dinner, and how their Nasi Lemak looks like 😦 wished there was Sambal though.  

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eheh, i like how their Slurpee cups have line Characters on them, SO ADORABLE!
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On the third day we went to the Science Centre 🙂 it was my favourite place among all, because Science is always cool.
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My lovely breakfast, which was delicious and quite affordable.

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optical illusions in the science centre

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haha saw this poster, SO CUTE. notice how the little sperm cell is giving the ovum a flower.

Didnt take much pics in the science centre though, just some private ones.

Anyways, that marks my Sg trip with my family and relatives, it was a good getaway,and if it werent for the high currency exchange rate, i wouldve bought more stuff, too bad though.

-kw-

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Christmas Holiday 2013

Finally.. holidays from my college..

Im just soo happy about this holiday you have no idea… Anyways, this holiday has really regenerated my energy and all that.. its just so rejuvenating, and its like all it took was just a little rest and break to lift up my mood again.

Anyways, all good things must come to and end, so here i am, on the last day before college starts all over again.

So im gonna start from just before my holiday began, which was the wednesday before christmas.

its the time of the year again where my cousin, Teng Teng came over for the epic sleepover +bonding session+ comic fiesta+ DOING EVERYTHING TOGETHER TIMES. its a yearly thing , and its one of the things we look forward to in the year.

Anyways, teng was supposed to come on the thursday or friday but somehow she came earlier because of the convenience of her parents and all, which means more bonding time together! unfortunately not so soon since me and my sister were still having classes and all.. oops..

So she bonded with my mom and my brother instead.

For the first 2 days we didnt do much, and we couldnt stay up much but on friday we finally begin our epic times! we watched Red Cliff I and II together till like 2-3am while eating chipssss 😀 sadly i fell asleep.. after the first movie and i slept through the whole 2nd.. ughh dont get me wrong the movie is really great but somehow.. the sofa is a sleeping pill to me.

The next day, my sister had to go out with her friends at night so me and the rest of the family went to my other cousin’s place. i rewatched the movie there haha. We didnt do much, just using our laptops there.

Stayed up til 3am that night, and we had to wake up early to shower and prepare for CF the next day yeayy :DDD

we only slept for like 3 hours but we still managed to get ready and we took d train to KLCC.so here are some pics from that day, there was much more pics than that but i’ll just post the few from my phone here.

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mameshibaaa~

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this is us 😀

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maple characters

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spotted doge haha

so yeah, this year was less enthusiastic somehow as compared to previous years :/ but in the end we still had fun 🙂

we went to Johnny rockets after that for dinner and boyy that was good hotdogs mann yum  :DD maybe its because we were too hungry but meh, still good.. went around Curve and finally came home

Monday was karaoke chill day! we were all dead tired after the day before.. but me and my siblings and Amily went to karaoke for the first time! 3 hours straight and its only RM 9.90 inclusive of food and drinks. Their lunch was quite good i must say..

went home after that and we all took a nap while watching tv haha, after that it was maple time~ and some story sharing hahah

Tuesday was finally christmas eve but sadly we had to spend d day keeping the stuff around the house because my mom was planning to paint the ceiling and some walls 😦 ughh so while she was wrapping presents, me and my siblings and teng were busy lazing around and wiping and keeping the stuff.. booo

Went to the christmas party at night 😀 and it was also my niece’s birthday. CYMERA_20131224_230525

Look at the birthday girl being a fairy princess.CUTE :3

The party was great, great food, great feeling and though we were still using our laptops it

was still great hahah and of course the PRESENTS! 🙂

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okay so this is wad i got this yearrr  😀 pretty awesome stuff , was really happy indeed THANKS relatives!

This year, we celebrate christmas in a rather different wayy.. guess what, we were painting the ceiling and walls. it was tough, really, even poor teng teng had to help hahhah it was lots of moving furniture, walking up and down, climbing and damnnn by the time we were done it was 10pm 😦

And its not over yet because we only did the hall that entire day.. but it was worth it because we had great pizza that night :DD yoohoo

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The next day, me and my siblings and tengteng went out to watch a movie , first time as well, we watched 47 ronin and it was pretty great..

tried dip n dip and then mcd and after walking around for a while.. it was time to go. it was rushy because teng teng’s dad was on the way already 😦

it was a sad send off and i almost cried because i guess we were just getting too attached to each other. sigh.. next year would be busy for us and we dont know whens the next time we meet so..

Anyways, after that, me and my family went on the continue painting the kitchen parts til 10pm again :C it was tiringgg but nonetheless we managed to finish the kitchen parts that day..

Friday was a lazy lazy day and we had to repaint the entrance of the house area because it was peeling abit.. today was quite a lazy day because it wasnt like we must do everythingggggg kind of day.. just casual, putting back the stuff and all that.

Saturday was my brother’s early birthday celebration~ and we had steamboat, i dont remember doing much that day. Just sitting around waiting for the relatives to arrive. My niece is just so cute she followed me so much :DD ahh cute cherry

So yeah,it was quite fun, we watched a movie called shaolin and part of hancock after they left. mhmm

my family went to mount kiara where my sis is doing her intern on sunday just to check out the area and we also went to publika.. we went out late so we couldnt do much today.

Lunch was great thoo omgg good japanese food, perhaps the best ive eaten so far 😀

And then it was monday again,today my mom decided to paint my grandma’s room and its probably the last place to paint.. and damn i realize ive spent most of my holiday painting the house hahaha.

It was quite alot of work and tedious.. but we manage to complete it by 5pm, which was great. So yeah

Tuesday  is the 31st of December which is the last day of the 2013, had lots of thoughts that day, Me and my family ( excluding my sister) went to sunway piramid to run some errands and i got some pretty cool stuff  🙂

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haul

and sadly i didnt go anywhere to countdown and instead i was on maple with Sureene and later Florence HAHAHA yeeyong was at Malacca with friends and other places were too crowded. so i just stayed home..

We went to MCD as usual with my cousins for the first meal of the day 😀 and its also somesort of a routine.

Andddd woops it 2014!

I met up with Kai Yun, Qian Nee, Jeff, Dik Ken and Wengkin on new years day and we went to publika. again haha

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ate at Fat Boy’s and ooooo its just soo goooodd :DD

Had a little catch up session at Dr Cafe after that 🙂

thanks for the ride Jeff..

and it all came down to the last day of my break.Which is today.. right now.. at this moment when im typing this blog post.

Sad.. i wish this day wouldnt come so soon.. but it did. Sighh… Some plans for the year were disrupted today and its only the 2nd day of the year, i hope that there would be better things to come as i quite look forward to 2014.

I really dont want to go back to college… besides seeing my friends.. everything else just makes me sad..

But everything must go on as usual, and soon i hope, the day where i can finally rest for a period of time would come.

So this is to 2014! lets hope you work out.

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Already Gone

I got the title from one of Kelly Clarkson’s song.

Recently there have been many sad events happening amongst my friends and from time to time these things happen but how long will it take for us to remember how vulnerable and fragile life actually is before we carry on with our lives as usual again,moving on?

I was at my college’s music club meeting that day and a senior was performing this song with so much effort and soul,it made me tear up.

Because the song was so appropriate, as one of our close friends had lost someone very dear to her.By the way,the song selection was a total coincidence.

My friend lost a part of her life and childhood,and a family lost a father,a husband, a brother and an uncle.He was ill,and he was quite young.

And just yesterday,my boy lost his cousin,also due to sickness,he was still in college.

Though i do not know these people that passed,the way their presence affected their close ones who are close to others,its really at large.

The sadness kicks in as long as you have a heart.The solemnness spreads like wildfire and before long,it will fade,and people will move on.

What im trying to say is that,life is so so petty, as how William Shakespear said in his poem Life’s Brief Candle,

“Life’s but a walking shadows, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more; it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.”
You’ll never know how and when you’re going to die,or even the people around you.Things just happen unexpectedly,out of the blue,without preparation.
But that;s just life right? after all,we were all born to die one day.We just dont know when.
I want to send a message here, Appreciate every moment,or at least try to.Appreciate your loved ones,be a good person,be the best you can,Life is full of chances, its okay to fall,utilize everything you have, remember people,dont forget them,and hopefully we will not be forgotten..
Do whatever you have to do,before its too late.
To my dear friends who are going through a hard time,and to their relatives, I send my regards to you all, stay strong, and i hope you will get through it as a family.
-KW-
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The Future I Choose for myself

From a very young age ,almost all of us have been pressured by our parents to be someone successful in the future right? i mean that’s at least what i’ve been through almost all my life.Go to school,study hard do well in exams,get them scholarships,(or at least try to) go to college,get a degree,choose a profession,graduate (with the square hat and robe lol) and there~ we will live a somewhat ”comfortable” life right?

Anyways,I didnt do too bad during my government school days,up until highschool, i always tried to keep it up,though i got involved in like some sports and busy with art club this and that,in the end,it all comes down to those final exam results that my parents would keep track on.so yea.

At the moment,im waiting for my SPM results.while it comes out in March 20+,my parents decided to send me to college in January haha.well thats what alot of parents do anyway.

As i mentioned before ( i think) i  chose the path to get my Law degree at ATC college so at the moment im taking my alevels there 🙂 but before deciding surely about this,i had soooo many different choices haha.Looking back it still shocks me a little,so many paths and sometimes i think what would had happened if i choose the other path.

So.in the beginning of my form 5 days i had NO IDEA what i wanted to do.For a long time ( not including the ambitions i had when i was a kid ahaha i meant those serious ones),i just thought of doing accounting because it’s a profession,and my cousin is a professional accountant and it has a good salary.So i thought i would do that too.and also not to mention the fees to study the course is really cheap compared to science courses.

Being in a science stream gives me a misinterpretion that oohh after form 5 we HAVE to be doing science related or math related course.well i was wrong.so very wrong.

i had that misconception all my high school life and though i had set my mind on accounting,i was not eager to do it.it was just a sorta forceful answer just to have a ”secure” future.there was no spark and i didnt thought it was really a big deal.

But around October onwards,my mindset changed.after getting advice from seniors,experienced relatives,my  add math teacher and my school art teacher,i knew accounting was bullshit for me.ahaha

my art teacher insisted i do design related because she said i was talented in art.but i knew my mother wouldnt allow it.But at one point i was really serious about it.hahah i remembered how when i was younger i would write in every friend’s biography book that i want to be a fashion designer LOL.and i thought  hmm since im so passionate about art and fashion,why not?

I confronted my mother and guess what.. ahaha obviously its a solid NO.hahah though it was the heat of the moment that i wanted to switch from accounting to fashion.I guess what my mom said was through after thinking about it.I would need to be really creative at all times ( i dont create works at times i WANT it just comes naturally) and it will be stressful because there WILL BE people better than you at so many levels.and yeah i can always set up my own label after i’ve accomplished being a professional. as much as i wanted fashion,i had to agree with my mom.

so its now accounting >fashion>accounting.

i thought fine.. it will be accounting again i guess… reluctantly..

and then during my SPM,i went to see my accountant cousin and he told me NOT to.because its very stressful especially for me being a girl and all.and i remembered what my addmaths teacher Mr Ter told me.he said the similiar thing.My cousin suggested me to be a Lawyer,but immediately i said no lol. because of the misconception that Law is all memorizing and history..

but i still went home and thought about it.

I mean i should definitely listen to people who are much more experienced that me right?i mean there was no doubt that i could trust their advices they’re adults i trusted.

so after some research,and lots of thinking.i decided to do law.this time i was sure 🙂 and i had the eagerness inside.just what i was looking for.so i told my parents about it and they were quite happy about it. YEAY

Thinking about my highschool days.i was a really outspoken girl;and in one occasion i was wrongly accused and humiliated in front of my parents,close friends and also some teachers.i will NOT forget that..they pressured us to admit it and it was really unfair.there was no proof.and i was afraid therefore i made a mistake and i admitted it.

damn i got into so much trouble.hahaha

but its over now and im moving on though it still hurts me at times thinking about it.but it gives me motivation to continue to be a lawyer and stand up for myself and for clients.Im going to make up for my mistake of being afraid and bullied.And also i’ve always been a fan of Law and Order SVU,and i really loved the things the DA Casey does.I admire her and she inspires me more to do law.Therefore i am certain about it.thinking that i’ll be doing something Casey does in the future gets me excited at times too 😀

I will win in the end.

hopefully it will get it off my chest for good.Im determined.

so that’s how i got into law schoo 🙂 heh long story huh?since its decided im going to make sure i do well and dont screw up.Im quite sure Law will be more suitable for me than accounting.and Fashion will wait for me in the future 🙂

Thank heavens for leading me into this path 🙂 all the challenges and thinking,im quite amazed it would lead to this great thing

This is the future i chose for myself and i will fulfill it no matter what.LOOK OUT WORLD 😀

-KW- reblogged from blogger